It’s been 25 years since the first Pokémon game came out. For many people, including myself, there will always be that sense of awe when we play the game. Imagine, from 150 8-bit sprites, the Pokémon universe has now expanded to nearly 900 monsters across eight generations.
Honestly, there’s a lot to say about the franchise. It’s the first to introduce the “gotta catch ’em all” mania to the world, thanks to the game and the anime. It’s also one of the first games to considered “social,” since it introduced link trading and competitions. It’s also remade the Kanto region for Nintendo Switch with Pokémon Let’s Go and the Sinnoh region with the upcoming Pokémon Brillant Diamond and Shining Pearl.
With more recent releases like Pokémon Go, the game showed what these Pokémon might look like in real life. Given even better technologies, the idea of getting real-life versions of our favorite monsters isn’t that far off. That’s why, for this Variable feature, we’re listing down some Pokémon we’d want in real life. For this feature, we’ll be looking at their Pokédex entries, typing and their general usefulness, among others. We also won’t be covering legendary or even semi-legendary Pokémon, so everyone gets a shot. (Can you imagine having a Calyrex in real-life? Its Pokédex entry for Shield says that it moved a whole forest to a new location overnight!)
Let’s get this Pokémon out of the way for the countdown, shall we? If you don’t consider its crappy base stats, Ditto is actually a very useful Pokémon. Need a stand-in for when you’re falling in line, which we do a lot these days? Send in a Ditto. If you’re narcissistic, and you’d like to look at yourself for hours on end? Ditto’s your Pokémon. Just don’t send a Ditto squad to beat up a gang of thugs: It can copy their moves, but with just five PPs per move—beating them’s going to take more than one Ditto. A full posse of Dittos? Who knows.
The anime did Jiggypuff wrong. It really just wants to sing—its Pokédex entries say it even does it at the risk of his own life, but the anime turned it into a bratty balloon Pokémon that draws on people’s faces when they fall asleep. But what I’d have for Jigglypuff to do is to sing to me right now, especially these times. With insomnia rates up by more than 30 percent since the lockdowns started, we’d definitely need a Jigglypuff to make us fall into a deep sleep. Did I mention that experts say good sleep is great for boosting immunity?
Players who grew up playing Pokémon Gold, Silver and Crystal hate Miltank with a vengeance. It’s Whitney’s powerhouse, and many unprepared trainers have fallen to this milk Pokémon’s Rollout + Milk Drink combo. Putting that aside, who wouldn’t want a sustainable source of fresh milk? Miltank can even double as a guard Pokémon—crooks won’t even know what hit ’em.
Love ghosts but still want to save electricity? Get Rotom. This adorable poltergeist can possess five different appliances, so you can save up on electricity: an oven (Heat Rotom), a washing machine (Wash Rotom), a fridge (Frost Rotom) a fan (Fan Rotom) and a lawnmower (Mow Rotom). Rotom comes with a caveat, though, since it loves pranks and will not hesitate to play one on you. If you’re good with your appliances playing tricks on you, Rotom may just be the Pokémon for you.
This Pokémon loves to clean. Its Pokédex entry for Black and White says that it needs to clean its surroundings to relax. On the other hand, I could use some help when it comes to cleaning my room. If you think about it, Swablu and I are a perfect match—it cleans and I get to dote on his fluffy feathers. (Read: “Gotta catch ’em all” is a good thing—and science is on my side)
This one’s personal. It’s the only Pokémon that evolves if you reach level 30 while holding your console upside down, and it’s part of Piers’ Dark Gym lineup in Pokémon Sword and Shield. Oh, did I forget to mention that it’s a Pokémon hell-bent on mind control? Its Pokédex entry is pretty dark too, with the Shield entry saying that Malamar was part of history-changing events. If that’s not a great supervillain Pokémon, I don’t know what is.
So, there you have it—our pick for the best Pokémon to use in real life. Do you have your own picks? Let us know in the comments below.
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